March 2010

I really should just close up my blog, I am so pathetic at it. I am going to play a little catch up here. On March 18th Nicolas would have been celebrating his 1st birthday. I struggled with what to do, because I knew whatever it was it would set the tradition for years to come. I didn't want to have a regular birthday party. I know that some do, that is what comforts them, but I just wanted something simple. I knew if I made it too focused on him, then I would just be unhappy the whole day and I didn't want that, so this is what we did. We bought a sweet bouquet of balloons to put on his grave. Then we decided to go serve someone who needed help. I knew that by concentrating on others in need, I wouldn't feel so sorry for myself. There was a family in our ward that was moving and in need of help, so we went to assist them with their packing. We made dinner and took it up to eat with them. Lasagne, garlic bread and salad, which was the same dinner some dear friends had made for us when we came home from the hospital, was our menu.
The day went well. I didn't shed a tear until I was in my bed at night and everyone else was asleep. I finally broke down. It was a cry of one who has had a big weight taken off their shoulders. I had made it through the first year. There were many ups and downs, but it was good. I have felt the Lord with me through it all, and I have grown so much. Trials are good for that.
We miss Nicolas more than words can say, but what a beautiful day it will be on Resurrection Morning when our little one is handed back to us. So until then, we have a sweet little Angel watching over us.
We love you Nicolas!! xoxoxo

This is our "Nicolas" tree. Some sweet friends in our ward gave it to us when we lost him. It will be a tradition of ours to take a picture of the kids each year on his birthday. How fun it will be to see it and the kids grow, and also watch as we add to our family when our children marry and have children of their own.