Our New Addition

On Monday June 14th, I woke up to as normal of day as any. I went walking with my friend Angie, and we had been talking about how something can happen in your life to change it so quickly. Little did I know that that would be happening to me that morning. When I returned home, my sister in Wyoming called me to see if I would be interested in a little baby girl just born that morning. Shocked would be a good way to describe how I was feeling. Brian was away on a business trip in Texas, so I needed to get a hold of him, this definately wasn't a decision to make on my own. He called me back and was very supportive.

By 8pm that night I was on the road with my friend Angie for an all night road trip to Wyoming. I must confess I drank my first coke in I don't know how many years to try and stay awake. We made it to my sister's home at 6am. We were able to get cleaned up and then head to the hospital to see this precious baby.

The process of finding a lawyer was a roller coaster. So many gave me no hope, but the Lord was on my side and led me to two wonderful lawyers, one in Wyoming and one in Utah. Plus the social worker who will be doing my home study is a dear friend in my ward.

I have had this sweet baby girl with me since June 16th. We have decided to name her Clara Paulina Jones. Clara has been a special name to me. Paulina is the name of her birth maternal great grandmother. She is absolutely beautiful and such a good baby.

I am not sure how long I will be here in Wyoming. The legal side of this takes quite some time especially since me and the baby reside in different states. I sent my dear friend Angie home on the plane Monday, so she could get back to her family. It has been very difficult being away from my family. I miss them so incredibly that it hurts. Brian has been gone this week as well to Taiwan, so our children have been on there own for the last two weeks. My dear parents are next door and we have so many friends and neighbors that are helping us which is such a blessing. We are going to meet in Evanston this next week, so we can see one another, and they can meet Clara. As long as I stay in the state I am okay to move about. I will be bringing Abby back with me.

Thanks for all the concern, words of encouragement and prayers. I need them. Somedays I think that I am not going to last. I am still not sure if she will be ours, but I have faith that the Lord will do the best for this precious daughter of His. I feel it an honor to be able to take care of her, and give her a good start to her life here on this earth.

I will keep everyone updated on the happenings here. My lawyers our out of town until next week, so hopefully something will transpire then.

March 2010

I really should just close up my blog, I am so pathetic at it. I am going to play a little catch up here. On March 18th Nicolas would have been celebrating his 1st birthday. I struggled with what to do, because I knew whatever it was it would set the tradition for years to come. I didn't want to have a regular birthday party. I know that some do, that is what comforts them, but I just wanted something simple. I knew if I made it too focused on him, then I would just be unhappy the whole day and I didn't want that, so this is what we did. We bought a sweet bouquet of balloons to put on his grave. Then we decided to go serve someone who needed help. I knew that by concentrating on others in need, I wouldn't feel so sorry for myself. There was a family in our ward that was moving and in need of help, so we went to assist them with their packing. We made dinner and took it up to eat with them. Lasagne, garlic bread and salad, which was the same dinner some dear friends had made for us when we came home from the hospital, was our menu.
The day went well. I didn't shed a tear until I was in my bed at night and everyone else was asleep. I finally broke down. It was a cry of one who has had a big weight taken off their shoulders. I had made it through the first year. There were many ups and downs, but it was good. I have felt the Lord with me through it all, and I have grown so much. Trials are good for that.
We miss Nicolas more than words can say, but what a beautiful day it will be on Resurrection Morning when our little one is handed back to us. So until then, we have a sweet little Angel watching over us.
We love you Nicolas!! xoxoxo

This is our "Nicolas" tree. Some sweet friends in our ward gave it to us when we lost him. It will be a tradition of ours to take a picture of the kids each year on his birthday. How fun it will be to see it and the kids grow, and also watch as we add to our family when our children marry and have children of their own.